When my family came to America in the 80’s it wasn’t the fairytale ending people imagine when they hear “the American Dream.”
We dumpster-dived for food behind grocery stores, washed lice out of my hair with gasoline, and crammed all our family members in a small one-bedroom apartment.
And since I was a foreigner and didn’t speak English…
When I went to school, I was bullied, teased, and friendless.
I was a chubby kid who didn’t have confidence.
But what I did have was shame, anger, and the constant reminder that I was an outsider.
And yet somehow, that same kid, the one who couldn’t string together a sentence in English…
…grew into the man I am today.
Not because of what happened in my past. But because I refused to stay stuck in it.
I share this with you because I see so many men still shackled to their pasts.
They blame their fathers for not being present.
They blame their upbringing for their anger or addiction.
They blame their circumstances for why they “can’t” get ahead.
But here’s the truth no one wants to hear:
If you’re still blaming your childhood for who you are today, it’s not about your past but your refusal to take ownership of your future.
Your environment, your upbringing, the mistakes of your parents…
…those things may have shaped you, but they don’t define you.
At some point, you stop being a product of your circumstances and you start being the product of your choices.
I had every excuse in the world to fail.
I could’ve stayed the angry immigrant kid. I could’ve numbed out my pain with alcohol or drugs. I could have kept hanging out with the wrong crowd. I could’ve kept blaming my parents, my bullies, my circumstances.
But deep down, I realized something:
Healing was my responsibility.
Growth was a decision I had to make.
No one was coming to save me. No white knight on a horse. No government program. No mentor with a magic formula. It was on me to become the man I was never shown how to be.
The same is true for you.
And the truth is the stakes get even higher when you have kids.
If you don’t take ownership your children will inherit it all.
The anger, the lack of discipline, the absence of leadership.
That’s why I made the decision to break it.
My son Andrew doesn’t just get a dad who provides, but one who shows up.
A father who teaches him discipline and hard work, not because I tell him to do it, but because he sees me do it. When I train, when I run my businesses, when I stay consistent in my habits, he’s watching and learning.
And my daughter Chloe knows what it feels like to be protected by a man of integrity. She knows what love looks like in action. And because of that, she won’t settle for anything less when she chooses the man she’ll marry one day.
That didn’t happen by accident. That happened because I decided to stop being a prisoner to my past and start being the man my kids deserve.
That’s the decision every man has to make.
And it’s a decision I know deep down you can make.
You can either let your past define you OR you can start laying a new foundation today.
You can either keep blaming your upbringing OR you can take ownership.
You can either drift through fatherhood OR you can step into the role your children deserve.
Because manhood is not an age. It’s not about how many birthdays you’ve had.
Manhood is a decision.
At the end of the day, the choice is yours.
Stay stuck in the excuses of your past…or break the chain and step into your role as a leader, a protector, a father, and a man of integrity.
Talk soon,
Bedros Keuilian
P.S. If you’re a dad, you already know your son doesn’t listen to every word you say, but he watches everything you do. That’s why at The Squire Program we make sure you and your son leave with two things:
- A bond forged through shared adversity and unforgettable memories.
- A clear model of what it means to be a man of integrity, discipline, and strength.
Because manhood isn’t an age. It’s a decision.
P.P.S. The next Squire Program is already filling up. Spots are limited because we keep it small, intense, and personal.