When we were young, life forced us outside.
We had to find our own fun.
Boredom was normal, not something to escape.
If we wanted connection, we had to knock on a door or yell someone’s name from the street.
Sad to say that our kids don’t have that world.
Their biggest competition isn’t another boy at school.
The kid who’s faster, stronger, or better at sports.
Or the one who gets better grades or has more confidence.
I share this with you because one of the hardest things to accept as a father is that our kids aren’t growing up in the world we did.
Their competition is no longer the physical world.
Their competition is now the digital world that never turns off.
It’s the nonstop distractions.
The engineered dopamine loops built into their phones and games.
The food that makes them sluggish instead of sharp.
The comfort that slowly replaces discipline.
And the easy entertainment that keeps them from building the resilience we were forced to develop by default.
What makes it harder is knowing that they’re learning how to deal with all of this by watching us handle our own lives.
Kids pay attention to things we think slip past them.
They notice how often we’re on our phones – scrolling, escaping, numbing every chance we get or using our phones as a tool.
They watch how we eat – whether we fuel ourselves or rely on convenience and comfort.
They pay attention to how we decompress – whether we hit the gym or hit the bar.
We don’t get to hide our faults.
Kids see more than we give them credit for.
And they absorb the best and the worst of us with the same intensity.
Raising my two kids taught me this:
Telling your kids who to be means very little if you’re not living the version of yourself you’re asking them to follow.
Kids trust consistency more than instruction.
And they sure as hell believe in what we model, not what we say.
And that forces us to ask harder questions of whether we’re living like the man I expect him to become?
Boys don’t become strong, capable young men through comfort.
They grow through challenge.
And ideally with a father beside them who is growing too.
Talk soon,
Bedros Keuilian
P.S. If this message hit you in the gut a little…it means you still care about leading at a higher level. Understand that one small decision or interaction from you can change the entire trajectory of his life.
P.P.S. By the way…we’ve got a Squire Program coming up real soon.
If you’ve been feeling that pull to do something meaningful with your son, something that builds him, challenges you, and strengthens the bond between you, then join me at the next Squire class.